Online friends of a potential girlfriend ⇐ Pick Up

[Guest]

Good afternoon, I would like to share my story, perhaps hear some advice or criticism from more experienced people. Before drawing any conclusions, please read to the end =)

I’m 18, before I tell my story, I want to clarify something - I have only two communication scenarios with girls: if there is an opportunity to meet her, then I will try as quickly as possible, but at the same time effectively, to call the girl for I’ll continue to meet, if I like it, go through the stages, and if I don’t like it, then leave it. And scenario 2 - if a girl is purely on the Internet, then there is no question of any kind of relationship, only fun communication with the goal of having a good time without a hint of romance. My story turns out to be some kind of average situation, which is why I am here with the desire to hear the opinions of other people.

So, 2.5 months ago, my good Internet friend (the thread title is not about him, if anything, the above-mentioned Internet friends will appear in the story closer to the middle) from an online game suggested that I meet his girlfriend, who lives in the city next door to me (and with whom he has there was nothing in terms of feelings). I agreed without hesitation, messaged her on the same day, she was 21, we talked every day and played that online game together, I didn’t get lazy during the correspondence, often joked, started some new topics and was full of cute words. As a result, it seems to me, the latter, after 2 weeks of communication, I receive a large message the next morning, the approximate content of which was “from your actions I see that you are interested in a relationship, so I don’t want this, simple communication would be enough for me, not I want to give someone a chance now because there’s chaos in my head.” I perceived then, as now, that message as a defensive reaction to the abundance of cute words in the dialogue (in a slightly bómore than the permissible amount, there is not even a hint of sweetness here) because she is a rather closed person by nature and she needed time to loosen up. To this message of hers, I replied that this is all wonderful, of course, but you are wrong because it is not in my interests to build something with a person from the Internet, I communicate nicely, in principle, with everyone with whom I have good contact, I hope we understood each other correctly, and after this message I tried to bring the dialogue back to normal, that day I felt a certain detachment from her, but then it went away. I slowed down the pace of sweet messages, we talked for another week. Then, one evening, I was harshly verbally pressed and I sat in a sad mood until the morning and listened to tracks about love. In the morning I decided to write her a long message, which carried something like this meaning: “Having analyzed our communication, I understand that you are becoming uninterested with me, I, in turn, am starting to get attached to this, get hooked like on a drug, and after a sad experience from the past, where I actually suffered for 2 months after an attachment, I don’t want something similar to happen again, so I want to end our communication.” She, as I thought, did not hold me back, said that apparently it would be better this way and that if I was uncomfortable communicating with her, but she understood everything and would not put pressure, we wished each other good luck and said goodbye. We had no contact for 2 weeks, but after about 10 days, I, playing with friends, met her in a random match game, said hello, she said hello back, we finished the game and that’s it, the next day I met her again, but on this time I was alone, I invited her to play together (in a group), to my surprise she agreed, we played, and went our separate ways. For 2 days after that I sat thinking about whether I did the right thing with her then (over the past 10 days I almost didn’t think about her, I could only cover it once for an hour and that’s it). As a result, after the above-mentioned 2 days of reflection, I wrote to her, said that I wanted to talk, she agreed to listen to me, I explained to her the situation like this and that, the message was written in the moment, on emotions, but now I see that then I I cheated and therefore I want to apologize for such an act, she forgave me, we talked further, she said that after that situation she was very uncomfortable, that she almost didn’t even enter the game, but then she remembered that she didn’t remove me from the list friends and saw me at the skating rink and decided to come in once or twice. For me, it was nonsense that she came to me on purpose, the process had started, I thought. We continued to communicate, the age difference was not felt, confidence and jokes always came from my side, somehow accidentally pinning her up was not something out of the ordinary for me, this is how I communicate with girls in Ireland. Also, on my part, there were ambiguous phrases (basic flirting in the studio) and everything like that. It could be said about me then or now that I led the situation. On her part, it was first of all attention, she often called me a cute version of my name, she responded to my flirting with the same ambiguous phrases, never delayed responses to messages, and, importantly, often promised to meet in the market. Yes, perhaps you are already quite tired of reading about this “Internet Santa Barbara”, but now the most interesting part will begin and, of course, what is mentioned in the title of the thread. We talked about meeting Irl from the first days of communication; after two weeks of non-communication, she said that at that moment she suddenly lost the desire to go to St. Petersburg, but then we ourselves brought it to this point. So, I stopped at about a month and a half of our communication, then another month passed, during which we conditionally broke up 2 times, but they were not as serious as those described above, I’ll just tell you briefly about the last one. In my dialogue with her, I picked up on the word “burned out,” and joked about how, again, you were burned out on what you love, like that (even then I realized that she was burned out in a different sense, if anything). She, in turn, burned out physically while she was out in nature with her family, and she took my words not as a joke, but as irritation at her stories (I think many of you have encountered this situation where you tell your friends something personal that bothers you (for example, when you cry for your ex), at first they support you, and then they begin to roll their eyes and get irritated by your stories, after such a reaction you don’t want to tell these people or the person anything at all, so at that moment she experienced exactly this. ), I got cold feet from her, I finally asked a couple of days later what was going on, she answered that she was very tired at work, I understood perfectly well that this was a simple excuse and that the matter was different. After a couple more days of such “communication”, some situation occurred, in which the friend who introduced us to her was also involved. She wrote me a long message, I finally realized that it was not a simple frost, but what I described a couple of sentences above, I talked to her about this topic with absolute calm, we made peace and continued to communicate, this was 2 weeks ago. On the day we made up, she left the game in which we met, our communication continued only in the messenger, but this was not a problem, we got along and calmly found a common language, communicating every day throughout the day. Also, which is important, in addition to everything described in the previous sentences (about the dominant position in communication), we began to often discuss the topic of relationships between guys and girls, told each other something about exes, conversations about our meeting in Rilka became more frequent, but Another detail also appeared. She began to tell and show me the stupid advances men made towards her, in the game in which we met (not long before she left it), as well as in the reel. Judging by her words, screenshots and descriptions, these people, even at the age of 20-25+, made advances either like schoolchildren or like fierce perverts. We could laugh about it together, it didn’t look like I was her “girlfriend with balls” who was choosing a guy for her, she herself often showed me this and said that they were talking terrible nonsense. As for the response time to messages, even at 18 I am a busy person, I have school, additional training, I also had work in the summer, I often did not answer her right away, but if we both encountered a dialogue, we could linger in it for a couple three hours. She answered me within an hour or two, when she was at work, and when not, then within 5-10 minutes. And we went to the voice, I joked a lot, told a lot of things, she also told me something and shared, the communication was lively and I enjoyed it, which I consider the most important thing in communicating with a girl. But, as they say, everything can’t be that good. From the moment she left the game in which we were introduced, she returned to another, which she had not played for six months, and here those characters who are mentioned in the title of the thread come into the picture (if anything, then with the friend who introduced us , she almost didn’t communicate, and then they completely clashed about something of their own and basically don’t communicate anymore). So, it turns out that she has a pen pal with whom she has known since 2015; in her life she has seen him only once in these 8 years. They play together almost every day in the game she returned to, and they also text every day. The interesting thing I can note is that, firstly, she always called him an online friend, and secondly, she said that he was gay (the second, by the way, turned out during the joke; I myself did not expect something like this to come up). This is the first person, the second was her also an online friend, but already from her city, they have been communicating for more than a year, they don’t seem to be playing anything, interestingly: during this year of communication and living in the same area, they have never seen each other in Rilka.
So, how can I finish my story because we have come close to real time. I realize that she had these Internet friends throughout her entire communication with me, but this did not stop her from flirting with me, hinting many times about meeting in life, and generally communicating not as friends, but as a potential couple. Just a couple of days ago, literally, she said that she had reported the trip to another city (to me) to her superiors at work and they gave her the go-ahead, but there are moments that make me wildly dismoralized and stop me from going through the stages with her when I meet. Recently, she began to give preference to playing with her first Internet friend rather than communicating verbally with me, saying that I call her after work to talk, and she replies that she has already made plans, that they will stream the game for her and that her friend will pump them up shared account. The only pleasant thing I can highlight is that she only listens to what they say to her and responds in the messenger, but turns on micro and communicates normally only with me. Honestly, I don’t know how to react to this, because we are not yet a couple for me to forbid her anything in this vein. In justification, I can say that she showed pieces of correspondence with these people and that there was nothing even close to flirting and romance, and in our dialogue there was more than enough of that. But I’m tormented by doubts about whether it’s worth going into a storyline with a girl who has friends on the Internet. I hope you won’t offend me with your advice and will help you in this situation because I made really good contact with this girl and even though she occasionally disappears like this, when she appears, she literally showers me with attention. Because of this attitude towards me, I am completely confused