What is it called when you are NOT a pedo, but vice versa? ⇐ General

[Anonymous]

I decided to write this nonsense here.
When I was about 9 years old, my father’s wife’s son and I began to pretend to be animals from a game about a zoo.
and there they were shown having intercourse every time. Well, actually he himself started poking me through my clothes. In the end, the petting happened like this.
I don’t even know whether to call it coercion or not, but then I often asked. and I wasn’t even against it because the pleasant cosmic sensations were fucking pleasant.
We also slept together, then I deliberately turned away and even poked him so that he would start too.
I was very embarrassed to ask and I was afraid of all this. I forbade myself.
I can’t put into words how awesome it felt and I wanted MORE, but the boy always rubbed very little. and I was very afraid to ask, in general I was a uptight girl. Even now, at 23, I remain just as tense, but only better.
After we started having such games, I began to wait with trepidation when I would go to my father for the weekend. and every time I came in, my pussy itself began to actively shrink and burn. I naturally ignored it, because I was very ashamed and kind of afraid, but I really wanted to repeat that petting. so I asked him to play in the zoo.
My thoughts were racing and I always tried to ask him to do THIS without playing, but in the end I just called him by name, he asked - “What?” and I answered, embarrassed, “No, nothing.”
and I sometimes really regret that I was so timid and reserved. Then for some reason we were moved out and we slept separately. although I tried to find a reason for us to sleep together. they say I’m afraid of the dark.
When I grew up a little, my thoughts often returned to the past and I really wanted him to fuck me. I didn't give a damn. I wanted it so bad. but couldn't say. and the funny thing is that this guy was disgusting to me in appearance. and he often didn’t wash his hands, but for the sake of THAT very blissful feeling of a pussy in his panties against his panties, I spat.
For some long time, even my wet dreams were all about the same thing, only the situation changed a little. I dreamed about how we were engaged in petting, how he forced me. how I was afraid of getting pregnant (although this is impossible without penetration, but my childish brain was still afraid).
at some point, probably around the age of 16-18, I wrote to him, this way and that... to remind him about those times and what can we do... in the end the guy blocked me because he was scared. who knows, but he's become a very introverted nerd. so I'm not surprised. I still sometimes think... what if we fucked now, it would be so fucking awesome. I scroll through this and want to go back to that time, to be bolder. in general, Daddy Kink is one of my fetishes. I like to call me Daddy and to call me Little, Baby, etc. I think this is what it is...