Falling in love with a straight man ⇐ Sex stories

[Anonymous]

And something crazy happened to me.
This happened a long time ago. I was 15 then
And he was 11
His name, coincidentally, was also Mikha Until that moment, I never thought that such crap could happen to me.
I was interested in girls. And then - a chance meeting and some kind of wild, crazy affection.
The first three years of thoughts about not fucking happening.
Where is the petty net.
I then I didn’t understand what was happening at all.
I just wanted to see him.
Constantly.
Listen to his voice.
At first I thought that this was “true friendship”
And we were together all the time. Always
My friends were all surprised - like “Micha, why is this little guy following you around everywhere?”
It was great
No
It’s awesome! Three years passed
And he found himself a girl
I remember her name was Nastya
It became somehow offensive or something. Although he told me several times that she was like just a girl, but I’m a friend, and I’m more important.
And one day he says to me, “Mikha, think about it, I’ve hyped it up - today I’m going to fuck Nastya!”
So joyful It’s hard to explain what happened to me
I thought I was going crazy
Anger, rage, some kind of mad jealousy
Hmm
That’s when I realized that this was not friendship I didn’t tell him anything
Then
I held on for two months
I just thought, “Why do you need her? Stay with me. I’m better.” And then I broke down
I couldn’t stand it stupidly Once we were sitting together, I said
"Micah. I have a problem."
"What?"
"You. Or me. I don't know"
"What do you mean?"
At that moment I was still hoping for something. He barely said:
"Micah. I love you"
He didn’t believe it at first. I thought it was a joke. I like to joke, laugh, prank someone. And here it is! Then he says, “I probably misunderstood you.”
You understood everything correctly He didn’t abandon me, no
He didn’t despise me
Everything seemed to be the same as before.
For everyone around, that’s for sure.
Only we knew that I was not his friend.< br />But he told me that he needs girls
And I am the best friend
More important than all of them
But - just a friend I was going crazy
I didn’t want to share him with anyone, give him to anyone
Damn
Yes, I seriously wanted to die for one kiss
I would have died if he had just ordered it
It really was some kind of madness, madness
Ha
What kind of girls?
I used to like girls
And I had enough of them
And here
I started not caring about anyone
No one at all
I needed him
But I didn’t need him so much for sex / I didn’t have any problems with that before - but only with girls/
I just needed him
I didn’t want to share him with anyone, give him to someone
And I wanted him to need me too But no
I was just a friend
Albeit the best As a result
Out of jealousy, I began to persuade him to have sex
I persuaded him
Not right away
Maybe in a month or so
Then - more
Some kind of hell began< br />And for him
And for me For everyone, we were still friends
Although probably someone suspected - we began to spend even more time together
And we
Fucked... like I don’t know who anyone
Very many times
And they hated each other
He me - for what I do with him
I him - because this /sex/ is all I can get from him And at the same time, both could not cheat each other In short
This hell lasted for six years Mikha became twitchy, nervous
There was nothing left from our former sincere friendship
No
We still met, fucked..fucked
Damn
I could do with him everything I want
But it didn’t give me any joy or happiness
Only pain, resentment, tears for both him and me It finally “finished me off” when he told me
Not with resentment or anger
But with some kind of sadness
“Apparently I’ll stay with you forever” This is not what I wanted for him
And for myself
I wanted to be the best, most faithful and devoted person to him
But I became the one who broke his psyche and life After these words, I decided that I should disappear from his life
Forever I disappeared Now.. More than 20 years have passed since that first meeting with him
With my Mikha
I am no longer 16, but 40
He is 36
The last time in my life I saw him in 2015
When he said these words to me He got married four years ago
Has a child I'm happy for him
Really glad he's doing well But damn...
I still need him
I thought that over the years I would just forget him
Since then I’ve had a lot of people - both boys and girls
One girl punched her in the face in front of everyone, because I can’t stay with her
And one guy poked me with a knife because I can’t love him
Apparently this is some kind of payback or something But the worst thing is that I still need my Mikha
And I can’t do anything about it / I tried psychiatrists, and antidepressants, and even something “harder” - nothing helps /
UPD
Sorry for the “clumsy” writing style
Well, I’m not a writer
But the story is real
Hmm
I just wanted to speak out