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- so I kindly ask you to share your thoughts and observations about the things that I will touch
Hi all! I'm a little over 30, a completely ordinary guy, behind a difficult path associated with the struggle with himself, alcohol and, in general, with surfactants. Its OK now. Life goes on as usual, everyday life, home work, loved ones, but there is one thing - and it haunts me, these thoughts come more and more often
And most of all I am tormented by curiosity, where did this come from, maybe I even want to find the culprit, but most likely just to understand myself, where did this turning point occur? am I broken? Or is it all basically normal and everyone wants it, they just don't voice it? As for this, by the way, that everyone wants, a couple of examples - in my life I am a very sociable and sociable guy, and during my youth, saturated with alcohol, I often visited and drank with different people. At the age of 20 he worked as a loader temporarily, with the men we went to one of them to drink, we were 5 men of loaders, all in our 30s-40s, all such typical caricature cattle loaders, one guy in general 30 years old couldn’t even write! write karl!! i first time met this person in my whole life and i am a young idiot who wants to fit in to the company. So we sat drinking and roasting meat on the street near the house, then we went further into the apartment, listened to music from the TV, everyone was already drunk, and then the owner was so oh! I went to my sidekick the other day and he cut me a whole flash drive of porn, I’ll turn it on right now !! I put it mildly podohrenel, also from the fact that everyone vigorously agreed. and now he turns on the flash drive and rushed - I went on fucking, of course, all the porn was hetero, but 90%, judging by the previews and the names and the videos watched, were exclusively blowjobs and cumshots, dicks. It seemed very strange to me, and while the videos were on, everyone was watching these vids, where fucking dicks were on the whole screen, they were masturbating, sucking and sentenced ooo tin like sucking, or the most frequent - ooo what a pretty one, or what a chick uhh ... Damn What? heifer? there chicks are only part of the face, and huge dicks are the rest. So I wondered what the hell, obviously, because the men were crazy just from the members, and is this normal and hetero-style? By the way, there was nothing like that, the owner then called some terrible woman and fucked her in the kitchen in front of everyone, but I was almost asleep and I don’t remember much. Later in life, I often focused on this, on the unhealthy interest of the peasants. He drank with the elders in the area, and one, in principle, a very brutal and hetero-type, told how they had recently fucked a chick in a crowd, but he just told very little about this and devoted 70% of the story to how one of those present there - just the scribe of huge dick, and how he got it, jerked off and fucked the girl, and everyone listened to it. What the hell was I thinking.. - Definitely also a bell. and there are many more such examples, but I will not describe them yet. What do you think, does this already say something? That's logical - I like girls - I watch lesbians or standard sex, but if I like members, then I watch them, everything is just in my opinion)) no? And so, whence at me such interest not healthy that? One option is seduction, here is a big hello to my cousin
! We have a 3 year difference with him. We are like relatives since childhood, because we were constantly visiting each other, and very often I came to visit him with overnight stays not for a single day. And that's where I think it started, I was 10-11 years old, he was 13-14, respectively, maybe earlier. I can’t exactly remember when and how it started, most likely before going to bed I remember the moments we were lying next to each other and he constantly offered to “mats”, which we apparently did, but I don’t remember much, I also remember very well how he he begged me to suck on him one day, I was small and played, ran with something and said that I would not, only if I sucked my legs, I'm afraid of the dick - I don't know why. By the way, my penis was a little bigger even because of the age difference, I remember the moment when there was no one at home, he persuaded me and lay down on top and tried to fuck, but of course nothing worked, then he lay down on his own, I don’t really remember, but I I think I liked it even then, I couldn’t insert a member into the ass, but I drove it in every way along the ass along the hole itself and I was slightly pleased. Then I clearly remember, it already happened a million times - at night when we stayed with him, we waited for erotica on REN TV, I always lay on the couch behind him, he lay on the bed in front of the TV, and we jerked off to it all, but I remember exactly that I always looked at his cock, how he jerked off and I just could not resist and finished in a minute due to overexcitation. And so it went on for a very long time. That's the question, because it could affect, in principle, my addictions? After all, it at least affected the psyche of me as a child, or can it all be considered a healthy stage of development? .. Further at the same age, we moved with my parents and I made new friends in the yard, of which the most remarkable two are both a little older than me by 2 years, about both. I remember the three of us climbed into the basement, undressed there and jerked off to each other, I remember very well how the guys admired my penis and sucked it. One constantly substituted his hole and I clearly remember even a birthmark on his ass, but I don’t remember whether we fucked, whether I entered and whether it was high, most likely no, it didn’t work out yet, otherwise it would be remembered. And in general, here I don’t remember a direct orgasm from a blowjob or anal sex, I just remember what it was exactly and we ended up jerking ourselves and each other. But later, one of these friends ended up at my house, while my mother was in the next room, it was daytime, and the pancake door did not close with a lock, but was simply closed. He put me on the bed, pulled off my underpants and just started doing such things ... I remember how he took it in his mouth completely, got it out and moved it so gently in his face, he ran his tongue right from the balls to the end, god!! I remember how scared I was that my mother was outside the door and she could come in, but what he did overshadowed everything .. I remember now, how he closed his eyes in pleasure and went crazy, which amazed me very much! Then he already experimented, I now understand that he apparently either the first time did this or no experience at all. - He sucked and jerked off to me in different ways and asked, how is it better now? and so good? you tell me when it's going to be super okay? And that's when I finished first time from a blowjob... and he even the answer did not ask him to masturbate or suck, apparently got what he wanted too. In the future, in principle, everything is like that of "normal" people - there was no gay experience, they only masturbated together with my brother if they stayed somewhere, in the garden, in the bathhouse, at home, and so on. Here again, the same question - what and who is to blame for everything
